


Death in Idris

by AlaskaExists



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Crying, Crying Alec Lightwood, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Mild Sexual Content, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlaskaExists/pseuds/AlaskaExists
Summary: "Calm down, Alec. Breathe, just breathe," Magnus whispered, running his hands slowly up and down the boy's back. Alec felt himself coming unraveled..." Takes place during City of Glass after Max dies. Alec and Magnus meet up and Alec experiences nearly every emotion ever as he tries to cope with his grief and guilt, with the help of Magnus. Malec one-shot.





	Death in Idris

I have to get out of here, Alec thought, as he calmly walked away from his little brother's grave. His family didn't say a word to him when he turned his back and started to leave, the quick funeral was over, and everyone was too caught up in their grief to notice him, for which he was grateful. He made sure to keep his shoulders back and to walk with his head up in case anyone saw him. It didn't matter how overwhelmed he felt or how much he just wanted to curl up somewhere and forget the rest of the world existed. He was a Shadowhunter. He had to be strong. Nearly everyone had lost someone to the demons, and the war wasn't over yet. In fact, it had practically just begun.

Alec started walking a little more briskly, as he neared the end of the cemetery. He didn't want to look like he was fleeing, but his chest felt tight with grief, anger, and guilt, and he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He wanted to fight, to run blindly into battle at the very moment and revel in the violence in a way he never had before. Now it would be revenge, and it would get them one step closer to getting Sebastian and avenging Max's--

The anger immediately drained from Alec's veins as Max's name crossed his mind. He couldn't even allow himself to face the reality of his youngest brother's death, but with the anger gone all that was left was the hollow emptiness of grief. He glanced around and realized that he was in front of the house that his family was staying at while in Idris. The house was dark, and a few of the windows had been smashed, but they were already covered with boards. It looked stranded and nothing like home. He knew Izzy was in there, but he couldn't bring himself to go in just yet.

There would be no comfort or solace for him inside.

Instead, he kept walking, keeping his head down and hunching his shoulders against the chilly wind that cut through the fabric of his formal white clothes, the Shadowhunter attire for mourning. He was sure that no one would bother him but didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to himself. He purposely avoided the center of the city, knowing everyone was grouping there, preparing for battle and looking for loved ones. He didn't have any idea where he was going exactly, but it didn't matter. As long as he kept moving, he could leave behind every horrible thing that had happened in the last 24 hours. Maybe if he just kept moving, he could outrun his misery.

He turned a corner onto a dark and deserted street. He glanced around quickly, making sure no one was around and took off at a dead sprint. Letting the feel of his muscles working and the shock of his feet slamming into the pavement consume his mind.

By the time Alec began to slow, he was at the edge of the city, his heart was beating rapidly in his chest, and his lungs were tight with exertion. Still, he kept going, jogging until the dull glow of the city's witchlight was just a streak in the distance. Finally, he acknowledged his body's need to rest and half fell onto his back in the tall grass on the hillside.

Alec closed his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. He knew he must have run for miles and that his strength would be better spent at a later time, but running had cleared his mind. Even if it was only for a few moments.

Suddenly, Alec was aware of someone watching him. Alec's breathing hadn't quite returned to normal, but his muscles tensed as his eyes slowly scanned the darkness surrounding him, ready for a fight. He stayed still on the ground, not wanting whoever or whatever it was to know that he was aware of their presence. It was unlikely that whoever was watching him was friendly, considering all the Shadowhunters were convening in the city, along with the many of the allied Downworlders. A muffled footfall sounded to his right, and he slowly reached for a seraph blade from his belt, hoping the tall grass would obscure his movement. When his hand reached the place where the hilt of the blade should have been, his hand closed around thin air. He hadn't brought any weapons with him to Max's funeral, and he hadn't even thought to grab something before he took off. It was incredibly stupid of him and a renewed sense of anger and self-loathing shot through him, as the sound of footsteps got closer.

His muscles coiled and he prepared himself to strike, waiting for whoever it was to get within his range like a snake waiting for its prey. When he could just make out the silhouette of the tall, lean, figure approaching him, he flung himself upwards, striking out quickly with his left fist.

The punch was sloppy at best, he had struck out blindly, but all of his strength was behind it, and his aim was true. His fist was just about to connect when the figure lithely dodged to the side. Alec's fist collided with the palm of a hand as his punch was blocked and the hand closed around his fist. Alec blindly kicked out with his right leg, twisting his body around, but his strike was blocked again. The momentum of his body kept him turning, so that he ended up with his back pressed against his attacker, who had his right arm pinned behind him and his left still tightly enclosed. Alec could hear the blood pounding in his ears, almost drowning out the ragged sound of his breathing and the insistent thumping of his heart.

"Alexander," the voice of his attacker breathed near his ear, and Alec's whole body tensed. Suddenly, he was aware of the feel of the body he pressed against and the look of the smooth, tanned, hands that were holding him.

"Magnus...?" Alec asked, his voice a hesitant question even though he knew the answer. It showed how out of it that he was since he hadn't noticed sooner.

"Yes," Magnus whispered, as the fight drained from Alec's body and he started to slump in Magnus's arms.

Magnus slid to his knees with Alec, who was still facing away from him, his head down and his black hair falling across his face.

"I'm sorry," Magnus murmured, his arms still around the boy, who had begun trembling.

Alec's head whipped around to stare at Magnus, his blue eyes wide with shock and confusion. "Why are you sorry? I'm the one who attacked you...By the Angel, I attacked you."

Alec's guileless blue eyes filled with so much guilt that it nearly broke Magnus's heart.

"Don't worry about me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Magnus replied, trying to soothe some of the boy's guilt.

"How did you find me?"

"I went to the house you're staying at and used one of your shirts to track you."

Alec smiled slightly, surprised that he could smile at a time like this, as he turned around in Magnus's arm so that he was facing him. Magnus tightened his hold on the boy, as Alec leaned heavily against him, soaking up the warm comfort of being close to someone. Alec buried his head in the warlock's chest, breathing in Magnus's clean scent. With his eyes closed and Magnus's arms wrapped tight around him, he could almost pretend they were back in New York and in the safety of Magnus's apartment.

A few minutes of silence passed between them, before Magnus spoke, "Alec, it's not-"

"No!" Alec cried, pulling back from Magnus so he could meet his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. I have to fight in a few hours..."

Magnus could see the cold fury building in Alec's eyes, masking the sadness and guilt in the depths of his blue eyes. "Alec, it's okay too-"

"Nothing is OK! It's never going to be okay again!" Alec felt the anger building, and he held onto it desperately. Anger was better than the misery that threatened to consume him. Alec tried to slide out of Magnus's arms, but the warlock refused to let him go. Alec continued to struggle, pushing against Magnus's chest with his hands and fist, trying to get away. He didn't want Magnus to comfort him. He didn't want to be told that Max's death wasn't his fault. He felt he deserved all the guilt he felt. He should have known.

"Let me go! I said I don't want to talk! You could never understand! You don't have any family!"

Magnus grip loosened abruptly, and Alec stumbled backward, almost falling. Alec couldn't bring himself to look at Magnus, so he stared at the ground trying to gain control over his ragged breathing. He didn't even know what to feel anymore.

Once Alec had his breathing under control, he peered up through his lashes at Magnus. Despite Alec's effort to calm down, anger still burned through his veins and his fist clenched so tightly at his sides his knuckles were nearly white. Magnus was standing so still that he looked like a statue, he wasn't even blinking as he stared at Alec, waiting for the boy to calm down. Alec saw the hurt that flashed through Magnus's eyes before he could hide it. Alec felt his heart twist with guilt, and he hadn't meant to hurt him. Alec turned his head away.

"Alexander, I may not have a family, but I've lost more people in my extended lifetime than I can count. I understand what loss feels like."

Alec's head whipped back around to stare at Magnus, his words catching him off guard almost as much as the haunted look in the warlock's eyes.

"Magnus, I'm-I'm sorry," Alec stuttered, feeling his chest constrict. He couldn't imagine all the people Magnus had lost throughout his immortal life and how much that must have hurt. If anyone understood what Alec was going through, it was Magnus. "I just...just..."

Alec couldn't find the words, so Magnus spoke for him. "I know, Alec. I know."

Magnus took a step closer as Alec turned his face away again. Alec had resumed shaking and Magnus gently clasped the boy's chin, making the boy look at him.

Magnus's breath caught at the exhaustion in Alec's features, there were dark smudges under his eyes, and his face was lined with grief that made him seem years older.

"Max's death is not your fault, Alec. There was nothing more you could have done, no way you could have known."

"It is my fault. I'm the oldest. I should have listened to him. I should have been able to save him. I wasn't even there!" Alec spoke rapidly in a hushed whisper, and Magnus could see the wall shielding the boy from his grief beginning to crumble. "It's all my fault. It's my fault!"

"Alec, stop-"

"It's my-"

"Alec! Stop!"

Magnus raised voice stopped Alec's mantra, but the vacant look in Alec's eyes showed that he was still trapped in the past few hours, reliving each decision and each horrible moment.

"Alec." Magnus tried to break through Alec's concentration by cupping the boy's face in his hands so that he would have to meet his eyes. "Alec, please. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known, and everyone's going to fight-"

"The fight!" Alec's head whipped around and out of Magnus's grasp. Alec's blue eyes were wide and dilated as he stared at the city in the distance. "I have to get back! They could need me, or they could have already-"

"Alec, no."

Alec had already started to walk away but turned his head back as Magnus grabbed his arm.

"I have to-"

"Alexander, the fight hasn't started yet. Preparations are already being made, but until anything official is said, you'll only be in the way. Everyone's just trying to find a few minutes of peace and rest, so they'll be ready to fight. You need that too, Alec."

The adrenaline started to leave Alec's body, causing his limbs to feel heavy. Suddenly, the city seemed so far away. Magnus sensed the fight leaving the Shadowhunter, and pulled the boy close, sliding to the ground with him for a second time.

"Calm down, Alec. Breathe, just breathe," Magnus whispered, running his hands slowly up and down the boy's back.

The Shadowhunter's breath was coming in quick pants against the warlock's chest, and Alec pulled his arms from around Magnus to clutch at his chest.

"I-Can't-Breathe," Alec gasped out, hands still fisted in the fabric of his shirt. His chest felt tight like something was constricting around his diaphragm forcing air from his lungs. His vision started to blur at the edges, and he leaned more of his weight against Magnus. "Help..."

Magnus placed his hands on Alec's shoulder's trying to keep him from collapsing. "Okay, Alexander just-" Magnus started, his voice calm and commanding before he abruptly stopped speaking. "Wait...that's not right," he began again, talking to himself more than Alec. "There's something you're supposed to do in this situation. What is it?"

"Magnus."

"Oh! Breathe into your hands. I think that might help."

Magnus's body was tight with tension, but he was trying his best to seem calm for Alec's sake. The warlock gently loosened Alec's clenched fists and helped him cup his hands over his mouth and nose. Alec complied and placed his forehead against Magnus's shoulder, his shoulders heaving as he slowly regained control. After a few moments, Alec was able to take a deep breath and he let his hand fall into Magnus's lap.

"Thanks," Alec murmured.

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah," Alec replied, but his voice sounded strange. 

Magnus immediately recognized the change in the boy. The moment of tension just before the storm. Magnus pulled Alec closer, just as Alec's tears started. All the exhaustion, anxiety, and grief caught up with him at once. Alec felt himself coming unraveled slowly at first, the knot in his throat feeling like it was going to choke him as the first tears burned the back of his eyes. Magnus caught the Shadowhunter as he slumped against him and then lowered them both down, so they were laying next to each other in the tall grass. Alec's breath caught on the first sob, but after that, it was like a dam had broken inside him. He cried quietly against Magnus's chest at first, but eventually, the grief inside him was too much, and he was clinging to Magnus like he was the only thing keeping him tethered to the world. At that moment, he was.

Each sob seemed to strangle him, and he started to yell, glad that the sound was mostly drowned out by the thunder. "No! Not Max! NO!"

Tears filled Magnus's eyes at the sound of Alec's strangled voice, but he didn't try to offer any more comfort than holding the boy tightly against him. This was something Alec had to go through, and Magnus knew that short of being there for him there was nothing more he could say or do that could help Alec now. So instead, Magnus stared up at the sky as the lightning briefly illuminated the darkened world around them before plunging them back into darkness.

It was a long while before Alec's shouts quieted and his sobs subsided to muffled cries. He had never cried like that before, and he kept his head on Magnus's chest letting the aftershocks work their way out of his body. The warlock didn't say a word as Alec slowly regained his composure. Instead, he ran one hand slowly up and down Alec's back, gently squeezing his shoulder when Alec's body would tense. Eventually, the tension left the Shadowhunter's body and all that remained by a bone-numbing fatigue. Alec's throat felt raw, but he could barely feel it through the sudden haze of drowsiness. He managed to pull himself a little closer to Magnus, keeping his arm across the warlock's body and throwing one of his legs over Magnus's. The peaceful rise and fall of Magnus's chest and the sound of his heartbeat, naturally slightly faster than a human or Shadowhunter, began to lull Alec to sleep. His eyes felt heavy, but just as his eyelids fell close, Magnus spoke up.

"A paper bag!"

"What?" Alec asked, startled by the warlocks random outburst enough to look up at him.

"A paper bag. That's what you're supposed to give someone to breathe into when they're hyperventilating. I remember now."

"Well, it's a little late for that," Alec replied a spark of humor in his strained voice.

"Next time then."

"Hopefully there won't be a next time."

"I hope there's not," Magnus replied, his voice suddenly quiet and serious. "That was terrifying, Alexander."

Alec's eyes widened, and he started to stammer out an apology, but Magnus stopped him by putting a hand on his cheek and running his thumb over Alec's lips.

"Don't apologize for feeling, Alexander."

The Shadowhunter's face flushed and he leaned into the warlock's touch, but could no longer meet his eyes. Magnus's cat-like eyes were full of something Alec couldn't explain. Sympathy for Alec, but also something much deeper. The eyes of someone who had lost too many people to count over more years than Alec could fathom living.

Magnus gently cupped Alec's face and ran the pad of his thumb under the boy's eyes, erasing the remaining traces of tears. Alec's face flushed deeper, the embarrassment of breaking down was sinking in now that he was calmer.

"Magnus, I-"

"You don't have to say anything, Alexander."

"But-"

"By the Angel, you Shadowhunters will never be able to listen to a Downworlder, will you?"

"What?" Alec asked, surprised to find himself smiling.

"See you weren't even listening to me!" Magnus replied, with a dramatic flourish that made Alec laugh.

"Yes, I was. You said by the Angel. That's a Shadowhunter thing."

"Did I? Well, I must have picked it up from you, since you say it so much."

"I don't say it that much."

"Yeah, you do."

"I don't think so."

"It's always 'By the Angel' this and 'By the Angel' that with you. Just last week you were all 'By the Angel, don't you ever feed that cat!' Remember that?"

Alec was fully laughing now, and he marveled at the fact that he was able to laugh after something so horrible. Some of the tension, Alec hadn't noticed left Magnus's face The Shadowhunter realized that the warlock was trying to distract him, to not only help him escape the drowning sense of loss but to also spare him the embarrassment he felt after his breakdown. Shadowhunter's were supposed to be strong even in the face of death, and even if that was an unrealistic expectation, he couldn't shake the feeling of weakness that accompanied the emotion.

"Wait, is someone feeding Chairman Meow while you're away?"

"Of course. I've made arrangements," Magnus replied, with mock indigence. "Or did I?... Yeah, I think I did. Or maybe not-"

"Magnus!"

"It's fine. I'm 99% sure I made all the necessary arrangements."

"By the Angel, Magnus."

"Told you, you say that a lot."

"You're impossible."

"That's why you love me."

"I do," Alec replied, sincere and unthinking.

Immediately, Alec froze, and he felt Magnus stop breathing beneath him. Neither of them had said those three words yet. Though Alec had been thinking them for awhile, he never thought he'd say them out loud, not even indirectly. So far, their relationship together had been hidden, scandalous. Alec was always nervous about getting caught in public together, and he never mentioned Magnus to anyone, not even Jace or Isabelle.

Alec could feel his face and neck heat up and hoped that it was too dark for Magnus to see his embarrassment. It was bad enough that he blushed every single time Magnus complimented him, no matter how small of a thing it was, it always made Alec uncomfortable. Pleased, but uncomfortable. He just couldn't see himself that way.

Magnus still wasn't breathing, and Alec's thoughts ran together as he tried to say something. Anything.

"Um...I mean..." Alec stuttered. Even in the dim lighting, Alec could see the shock in Magnus's wide eyes. The Shadowhunter didn't know how to remedy the situation, and he could feel the heat of his embarrassment all the way to the tips of his ears.

"Alexander, it's alright," Magnus started, recovering from his shock. "I know it was just the moment and-"

"No," Alec interrupted, resolve filling his blue eyes. "It wasn't just the moment."

"But..."

"I love you, Magnus."

Now the warlock didn't know what to do. He thought he must have heard wrong. There was no way a Shadowhunter was professing his love to a Downworlder. This was unheard of, impossible.

"...What?" Magnus replied, his voice strained. Alec was still laying next to Magnus on the ground, propped up on his side by one arm so that he was looking straight into Magnus's eyes.

"I said, I love you, Magnus."

Magnus stared at the boy for a long time, with his lips parted in shock. For a second, he marveled that after all these centuries something, or more importantly, someone, could still shake him. However, looking into Alec's eyes, still slightly swollen from crying and ringed with exhaustion all he could see was the guileless blue color, made harder with resolve and something else. Something soft and pure. Acceptance. For the first time since the warlock had known Alec, he seemed to have a sort of inner peace. Accepting the fact that he was gay and that didn't make him any less of a Shadowhunter. Accepting that he was worth something. And apparently, accepting that he was in love with Magnus, a Downworlder, the high warlock of Brooklyn.

"Um...Magnus?" Alec asked, and the hint of trepidation in the boy's voice. "You don't have to say anything," Alec continued, his words nervous and hurried. "I just thought...well, with everything going on....I just figured I wanted you to know. I understand if you don't feel-"

"Alec, stop." Magnus's voice was barely a whisper, but Alec immediately stilled as if Magnus had yelled.

Magnus pushed himself up onto his elbows so that his face was even with Alec's. "I love you, Alexander. I was fascinated with you from the moment I met you, and you haven't ceased to fascinate me every day. You're like no other Shadowhunter I ever met. You're-"

Magnus's words were cut off when Alec pressed his lips to his. The kiss started slow, tender and thankful, but the escalated into something hard and demanding. The fear and desperation of the last few hours and the terror over what was to come fueling them almost as much as the words they had just shared. Without breaking the kiss, Alec moved one leg over Magnus's waist, so that he was straddling him. Magnus ran his hands along the taut muscles in Alec's back feeling each small movement the Shadowhunter. There was a time when Magnus believed that Alec was only interested in him because he didn't get any attention or acceptance from anyone else. Alec's obsession with Jace (along with Jace's much more flamboyant personality) had made sure that Alec would stay in the background and be content with his place. Not anymore.

Magnus pulled Alec closer to him until Alec's body was flush against his. Alec gasped against Magnus's mouth at the feel of their bodies fitting together like two puzzle pieces. Even this small act was more than they had ever done, Alec had never been so bold, and Magnus had never been pushy. Magnus could sense the boy's hesitation and began to pull away from the kiss to regain his breath and tell Alec they could stop. Magnus pulled away, but there was so little space between them that their lips were a hairs width apart and their gasping breaths intermingled. When Magnus opened his eyes to speak, his gaze met Alec's, and all the words died in his throat. Alec's eyes were filled with such awe and wondered it took Magnus's breath away. For a second, Magnus didn't feel worthy of such innocence. Alec was young, and despite his tough life as a Shadowhunter, he was still young and had never been in love. Never even accepted that he was worthy of love or that the type of love he wanted was right. To top it off, he had just lost his younger brother and was full of pain and grief that no one should ever have to experience.

As their gazes continued to lock, there was no need for words. Alec didn't even try to conceal his feelings for Magnus, and he could see love reflected in the warlock's eyes. However, he could also see the moment that Magnus began to doubt. The old Alec would have immediately pulled away, unsure and embarrassed, but he wasn't that boy anymore. Instead, he understood exactly what Magnus wasn't saying. He knew that Magnus had infinitely more experience with love and relationships and that he believed that Alec's feelings only existed due to the newness of it all. He didn't want Magnus to think that it was only the fact that he had never even come close to a real relationship before that propelled Alec's affection. Everything Alec felt was because of Magnus, not the absence of anyone else. And even if his feelings were amplified by the weight of his current circumstances, they weren't defined by it.

Alec was never great with words, but he was confident in his ability to show.

The Shadowhunter brought his lips back to Magnus's, but this time he wasn't so gentle. Alec immediately deepened the kiss, and it seemed that both of their hands were everywhere at once. Alec was somehow managing to prop his upper half up slightly with one arm while his other hand ran up Magnus arm, over his neck, cupping the warlock's jaw, before tangling in the smooth strands of his hair. Magnus's hands seem to jump and slide from one part of the Shadowhunter's body to the next. From his hair, to down his back, across his chest, trailing along his abs (causing Alec's body to shiver against him), before settling at his tapered waist.

Alec's hips were making small movements against the warlock's body, that Magnus was sure the boy wasn't even aware of. Magnus was though, too aware. Magnus lifted his body to meet Alec's and the growl that rumbled through Alec's chest surprised both of them. Alec nipped at Magnus's lip in shock, and Magnus's self-control snapped.

The warlock tightened his hold on Alec's waist and then rolled him to the side, so the Shadowhunter was below him. If Alec hadn't been a Shadowhunter and trained to have fast reflexes the switch in positions would probably have been too sudden. At the very least they would have had to break the kiss. But Alec's Shadowhunter training was useful in more than just combat. He was able to match Magnus's speed with an ease that surprised the warlock. He always seemed to forget just how fast Shadowhunters could be.

Now that Alec didn't need to support himself above Magnus, his hands were everywhere. There was none of the tentative exploration or bashful touches of before. No, this time Alec's hands were sure and confident as they traced the warlock's thin frame, feeling the lithe muscles underneath as they moved beneath his hands. The Shadowhunter only thought was that no one and nothing else could ever feel so perfect. Alec's lips began to move more urgently, almost desperately, against Magnus's, kissing him like he was drowning. He needed this.

Alec was pouring everything into the kiss and the movement of his body. The grief over Max, the terror of the last few hours and the one still to come, and most importantly, his love for Magnus and his new found confidence in himself. It was completely overwhelming, but he didn't want to stop.

Magnus broke the kiss first, but as soon as he pulled away, his lips were against Alec's neck, kissing and lightly biting as he nearly gasped for air. Alec's body tensed, and he moaned in the back of his throat, a sound he didn't even know he was capable of making, but was too overwhelmed to be embarrassed about. Alec's hands crossed the warlock's chest, but this time he didn't stop there. Instead, he let one hand brush the exposed skin at Magnus's waist, causing Magnus to shiver, and then he went slightly lower until his thumb was on the button of Magnus's leather pants. Before Magnus could react, Alec's nimble fingers had undone the button.

Magnus's gasp was captured by Alec's mouth, and the warlock could feel the edge of sadness and desperation take over in the boy's body. He was trying to drown out his mind, and despite how much Magnus wanted to let him, he knew better than to let this continue. Alec rolled his hips slightly, and Magnus couldn't help the low moan that escaped him. He could feel that Alec was about to roll them over again and knew that if that happened, he wouldn't be able to stop this. So before Alec could make another move, he broke away from him, moving with inhuman speed so that at least 5 feet separated them. The sudden space between them seemed incredibly too far and not far enough all at once.

At first, Alec just looked confused as he lay in the grass taking quick, shallow breaths, but then he seemed to realize that Magnus had left him lying there alone. Hurt flashed in the depths of Alec's blue eyes, and it was quickly accompanied by embarrassment. His face was already flushed from the contact, but the blush darkened and spread as the embarrassment settled in. Magnus's heart hurt watching him, but he didn't have enough composure yet to reassure the boy, the warlock still couldn't catch his breath.

"I'm...I'm sorry...." Alec stammered, unable to look at Magnus. "I just...I thought-"

"Don't apologize, Alec. There's nothing to be sorry for," Magnus interrupted, scooting himself closer to the Shadowhunter. "I stopped because I didn't trust myself around you. You're too much in the best way and now isn't the time or place for this."

Alec's lips curved up in a shy smile and the hurt left his eyes. "I think it feels like the perfect time for this."

Magnus breath stopped for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. Alec continued to surprise him, and his words nearly caused the warlock to change his mind. Instead, he thought about Max, and the thought sobered him enough that he kept himself in check. Alec was in mourning, and he needed time to heal. Even if they kept going, he would find only temporary solace and Magnus didn't want his first time to be like that. A brief escape, before a painful reality set back in. Despite all this, Magnus groaned in frustration.

"Alexander, you're going to be the death of me."

"You're immortal."

"Well, I'm not made of stone, and I'm trying to be a good guy here. Anyway, I can die, despite being immortal you know. It's just not that likely."

"Well, if you come back over here, I can show you what it's like to be alive."

A second of silence followed that comment, during which Magnus looked like a stunned cat, while Alec stayed completely composed....before he burst out laughing.

"I can't believe I just said that," Alec gasped out through his laughter. "And your face..." Alec continued laughing, so hard that he was practically wheezing, and Magnus couldn't help but join in. Though he had heard Alec laugh before, it was rare, and he never got tired of the sound, even now when the boy's laughter was tinged slightly with a bit of hysteria. The Shadowhunter had been on an emotional rollercoaster today, and Magnus's was sure the boy was reaching his limit.

"By the angel," Alec said, starting to calm down. "I don't think I'm that kind of guy. It sounded like something Jace would say."

The mention of Jace was definitively a mood killer for Magnus, and he tried to push away the fact that what he felt was a twinge of jealousy, despite Alec professing his love. Magnus wiped at his eyes and moved, so he was sitting beside Alec, who still lay in the same position on the ground.

"I love you exactly the way you are," Magnus said, and Alec's breath caught.

"You do?"

"Yes, and I can show you."

"I thought you said..."

"I did, but I have something else in mind," Magnus replied, his eyes smoldering. Alec's whole body tensed and his voice came out strained, "What exactly...?"

"You'll see, just relax," Magnus replied, lightly kissing the Shadowhunter's lips before pulling away and letting his hands travel down lower.

Fifteen minutes later, Alec could barely keep his eyes open, and Magnus was lying next to him, gently running his fingers up and down Alec's chest.

"That was..." Alec started, his words heavy with fatigue.

"Amazing? Mindblowing? The best thing ever?" Magnus supplied, a smug grin on his face.

"Yes. Yes to that and more."

Magnus's grin grew larger until it felt as though his smile could split his face. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Humph," Alec murmured, his eyes falling shut for slightly longer periods after each blink. It seemed to take a gargantuan amount of effort for him to drag them open and even more effort for him speak. "I need to get back to the city, but I don't think I can move."

Magnus almost made a crude comment but refrained. Alec had gone through the emotional gamut in the last few hours, and that coupled with the physical exertion of running all the way out here, was a more likely the cause of the Shadowhunter's fatigue and not the few things Magnus had done. Though, in his defense, Alec had never seemed more relaxed.

"I'll carry you back," Magnus supplied.

"Ermph," Alec responded.

"Don't complain. I can use magic in the city now, no one will even see us," Magnus replied, knowing Alec would take issue with being carried, being a big, bad, Shadowhunter and all.

Alec seemed to try to make some form of weak protest, but his mind and body were so spent that he lost the fight with exhaustion. A flash of lightning briefly illuminated Alec's still form, and the accompanying thunder made Magnus jump. However, Alec didn't move a muscle. Magnus realized that he had been so wrapped up with the Shadowhunter that he had almost forgotten the outside world. The lightning, the thunder, the destruction of the towers, the quickly approaching battle. All these things were still happening.

They needed to get back.

Magnus pulled himself up and then lifted Alec into his arms. Alec murmured in his sleep and then instinctively draped his arms around Magnus's neck, resting his head on the warlock's shoulder. Magnus's heart tightened at the trust from Alec. He was still marveling at the fact that a Shadowhunter could be so comfortable with a Downworlder. And Alec was more than comfortable, he was trusting.

Magnus whispered a few words, as a few blue sparks erupted from his fingers, cloaking both him and Alec in a glamour. Magnus hoped that not many Shadowhunter's would be around since even though he could use magic, his energy could be sensed and with tensions high, he could very well be attacked. With a nearly unconscious Alec in his arms, it would probably be a little hard to explain himself and even more difficult for the Shadowhunters to believe.

Magnus began walking, slowly, not wanting to rush the last few moments with Alec. He stared down at the boy in his arms, marveling at how his long eyelashes brushed against his cheek, and his lips moved gently with each slow breath. There was no doubt Alec was gorgeous. Even with the clear signs of exhaustion and grief still written all over him, he was beautiful.

As they neared the city, Alec stirred in Magnus's arms, and evidence of stress removed the peacefulness from his face, as a soft whimper escaped him. Nightmares. Magnus whispered a few words, a spell that was meant to calm and soothe, and allowed blue sparks of magic from his hands to gently fall over Alec. He kept going, until Alec's expression smoothed out again, signaling his return into a peaceful slumber. Though it wasn't much, it was the best the warlock could do without having the ingredients to make a potion. Hopefully, it would be enough to give Alec a few hours of peaceful sleep, since that's all he would get before the battle began.

A battle they would face together.


End file.
